How to become a neo-leftist – your quick guide, we show you step by step

How to become a neo-leftist – your quick guide, we show you step by step 1You are a victim. Your background and origins shape your life. You may be underclass, immigrant, black, female, gay, transgender, sickly, edgy, etc. You are not responsible for your failures, it may be someone else’s fault, or the fault of another group, such as the patriarchy. And you can make extensive demands on society and your environment, because you are oppressed, cowed and hated.

White middle-aged heterosexual men are the enemy. They are the patriarchy and have the power over society and are the oppressors. You can demand anything from them, you have the right to insult them, slander them, exclude them, and resort to violence against them if you need to. It is a myth that they built our civilization, had we been given the chance we would have done much better!

Don’t let people offend you. Insulting someone with harsh words, meanings, body language etc is about microaggressions, and is a form of violence. You should not tolerate any form of violence against you!

Demand certification. Gender certification, LGBTQ certification, menstruation-certified toilets etc. Even computer programmers should be certified, so that they follow proper guidelines, and do not exclude people who are not interested in mathematics, logics etc. Everyone should be included. We offer certification at a cost, of course, and we are also seeking government funding for the activity. Money is needed for the fight!

Cut your own hair, preferably with an asymmetrical short bangs, and dye your hair a strong colour. Asymmetrical hairstyles make you stand out, and you become a minority, which gives you even more right to demand things.

Demand open borders. Rarely in history has a country had open borders where anyone can cross in and out (armed people, criminals, entire communities, illegal immigrants, etc.), but it doesn’t matter. We should have open borders. It is a human right.

Demand anything. Get together in small groups, discuss what you want to demand, then go out into the streets and squares and demand your rights. Shout at people, block traffic. You have the right to do it.

Worry about the state of the world. You stay alert and awake when you worry about things you can’t influence yourself. The climate is one such thing, also nuclear bombs, world peace, global corporate greed, etc. Sometimes the behaviour can lead to depression and confusion, but that’s okay, it reinforces your role as a victim!

Welcome Islamists and religious activists from the Middle East. Some say they are intolerant and narrow-minded, and go against our own values, ignore these accusations and move on to the next point.

Counter factual arguments with personal attacks, call your opponent a racist, a bigot, a homophobe, an Islamophobe, an uncle-tommer, a groper, a mansplainer, etc. This way you always come out morally victorious, and it’s a simple formula to follow.

Go vegan. If you eat only vegetables, you reduce your intake of proteins and various animal fats. A diet low in protein and fat leads to less muscle mass and lower brain activity. Peace of mind!